Thursday, November 26, 2009

Little Red Riding Hood

I've been thinking about Little Red Riding Hood this morning*, contemplating its ridiculous plot as well as the obvious (to an adult) sexual overtones, and pondering what sort of life lesson a young person is supposed to take away from this story. I've always assumed it was something along the lines of, "the woods are dangerous and you girls should guard your goody baskets closely," but then I realized that all the action happens at Grandma's house.

Halloween party circa 1999. The "best costume" award was ours when we walked in the door.

Since I can't really abide a fairy tale without a clear point, I'm making a list of potential "morals of the story." This is what I have so far:
  • Girls who wear red are whores.
  • Even good girls will succumb to a wolf with big enough "teeth."
  • A man who wants to eat a girl he just met is probably Big and Bad.
  • If you get in trouble, you had better hope that a big lumberjack type happens along that can get you out of it.
  • Men who wear flannel and carry axes are good guys, but they are not getting with the Hood.
  • Grandmas get way more action than most people realize.
  • When you sleep with someone, you are sleeping with everyone that person has ever slept with, probably including your grandmother.
  • Your grandma might be a furry.
This is one screwed up story. I can't believe they tell this crap to children. So, any thoughts on which of these is the real moral? Any I've missed?

Happy Thanksgiving.
* This is why I never talk to people before I've had coffee.

1 comment:

  1. what about: "A man will lie to you about what he's going to do with his 'big' parts, just to get you to stick around longer..."

    would love to hear your take on 'Hansel and Gretl"...