Happy Anniversary, Biscuit!

Biscuit and I met in the early mid-90's, when bangs were tall, boots were short, and all the cool girls drove Miatas.  I made pizza for a group of people on one of the first nights we met. This apparently made a positive impact on her opinion of me.* The pizza, and a good base of friendship, helped us get through some up and down times when we started dating a couple of years later.

After five years together, we decided that we were probably not going to be able to be rid of each other, so we got married like it was 1999. Since neither of us was interested in a big production, we snuck off to Barbados on a cruise to make an honest man of me. We lied right in the face of friends and family who said we were running off to get married. We're still denying it to a few people.

James the limo driver. Quite possibly the coolest person I have ever met.

The day itself could not have been nicer. A limo ride to the government building to fill out the paperwork, a quick stop at the florist for a bouquet, and we were off to the church on the beach.

No matter what anyone tells you, this is all it takes to get married.

The wedding coordinator served as Biscuit's maid of honor, and the limo driver was my best man. He even shot a roll of film with our camera, since we had opted to skip the photographer. Also because it was 1999, and cameras had film.

You are so jealous right now.

Some vows, a little smooching, champagne toast, a quick walk on the beach, and we were back napping in our cabin by noon.

What were you doing five minutes after your wedding?

We woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of the drunkards returning from the pirate party ship. We knew that they had been pirating it up, because we heard several people "haaaarrrrghhh" into the water below. And they definitely looked like they had been at sea for some time.

Never have so many been so drunk so early in the day. 

Except for every other day this thing sails, I suspect.

That was 11 years ago. Tonight, to commemorate the event, I will make a pizza, she will open a nice chianti, we will eat and drink entirely too much, dessert on a fistful of Tums, and fall asleep before getting around to the stuff you young people do on your anniversaries. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Thought so.

Hungry?

I can't believe it's been 11 years. While on the one hand it seems like Biscuit and I have been together as long as I can remember, it feels way shorter than my first marriage, which seemed to go on for-ever. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Happy Anniversary, Biscuit!

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* Biscuit is all about good food. That's why I'm always trying to learn to cook new things. When I met her, all I could make were pizza, chili, and cheese toast.

Nerd Alert!

Okay, let's establish up front that I'm as much of a nerd as the next person. I like science toys. I have a telescope. I take off work when a new Star Trek movie comes out. (Everyone does that, right?) I saw Alien in the theater the day it opened because I had read about it in Omni magazine. I was distraught when Battlestar ended, and I'm heartbroken that Disney is buying Marvel. I bought a copy of X-Men #1 the week it came out.

But I had to prostrate myself in unworthiness -- Wayne and Garth style -- when I saw the e-mail announcing the ping pong tournament at the big Physics Block Party this afternoon at my university. I mean, it's not so much the ping pong, though given the fact that probably half the physics students are Chinese, I expect the competition to be fierce. No, it was the paragraph describing all of the other "much good food and fun competitions" that will be taking place that showed me how real nerds pass a good time.

"The food will include free pizza (at 3:30), sodas, homemade brownies, and LN2* ice cream with various mixins for flavors. The competitions will include the Ping Pong Tournament (sign in by 3:30), Guitar Hero (throughout), the notorious Physics IQ test (due by the end), and the Maniacal Laugh Contest (starting at 4:00)."

The message ends, "This should all be fun." Perhaps the saddest part, especially for my wife who has to take me out in public, is that it all does sound like fun. If I weren't thirty years older than everyone who is going to be there, I would probably show up. I mean, hey, what's more fun at a party than liquid nitrogen? Plus, I think I could hold my own in the maniacal laugh department.

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Liquid nitrogen ice cream. A better example of nerd food preparation is hard to find.

Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot could cook like me?

So, yesterday was the wife's birthday. Normally I don't pay a lot of attention to my family, friends, pets, loved ones, other people, or my surroundings in general. In fact, my life often feels like time-lapse photography, where I look up and notice a whole different set of people in the room than were there what seemed like just a second ago. But, if you are willing to have sex with me and admit to it, and birthdays are important to you, then I'm going to try to bring my 'A' game to that one day a year. And the wife likes her birthdays.

Luckily for me she has exquisitely simple tastes. She has said that she fell in love with me the first time she tasted my pizza, which I know to be an exaggeration, if not an outright fabrication. But it means I manage to avoid finding just the right place to take her for dinner every year in exchange for a couple of hours in the kitchen. (This is also how we avoid any undue Valentines Day foolishness, except the pizza is heart-shaped and only red and white toppings are allowed above the cheese.) This is yesterday's effort:



Green onions, bell pepper, zuchini, fresh tomato slices, mushrooms and pepperoni with mozzarella and provolone cheese, homemade sauce and a hand-tossed, 100% whole wheat crust. I'm still working to get the crust just right, but if you've ever wanted to make whole grain breads that don't rise like cardboard and taste like wood, you might want to buy Peter Reinhart's book.



You have to start the dough the day before, but it's totally worth it. Then you should e-mail the author and tell him he should send me money because I'm pimping his book on the Internet. His pizza dough is the only thing I have tried that I didn't really love (don't tell him that), and that's only because I like my crust pretty thin and crispy, and his dough is more tender and bready like they tend to make on both coasts. I haven't tried a deep dish with this crust. One of you in the Midwest will have to let me know how that goes.

The most significant change I have made lately is slicing cheese instead of grating it. I've always tried to avoid pre-grated cheese because it's dry and tends to burn before it melts right, but using little slices of ball mozzarella and provolone instead of grating blocks myself has definitely stepped up the flavor a notch. (Bam!)

Oh, and you're going to need one of these:



Actually, you don't really need one, but you will want one, because it effing rocks like a hurricane. Sometimes I make bread just so I can play with the mixer. Seriously. The wife is not the only one who has good birthdays.

Speaking of presents, she got a Wii, because she is cool, but also because she is a girl. The allure of multi-core power and graphics acceleration is mostly lost on her, and she hasn't ever liked a shooter game that I know of, with the exception of Fallout (1 & 2). If Emily is to be believed, this may be the last time you hear from me, as the Wii will have consumed all of our waking hours from now on.

Oh, last thing on the cooking. My most important kitchen accessory is this apron:



Oh, plus there was a cake, but it was eaten before any pictures could be taken.

Update: I almost set the kitchen on fire this morning, probably because of the headspace thing. I may have to lay off the cooking for a while.